“Swear. Reproach Christ and I will set you free,” the proconsul of Smyrna states with authority.

“86 years and He has done me no wrong. How can I blaspheme my King and my Savior?” replies Polycarp, who was not only the bishop of Smyrna a generation after Christ’s crucifixion, but was also close personal friends with John, the author of the Gospel of the same name and the book of Revelation.

“I have wild animals here,” the proconsul continued. “And I will throw you to them if you do not repent.”

“Call them,” Polycarp replied. “It is unthinkable for me to repent from what is good to turn to what is evil. I will be glad, though, to be changed from evil to righteousness.”

“If you despise the animals, I will have you burned.”

“You threaten me with fire which burns for an hour, and is then extinguished, but you know nothing of the fire of the coming judgment and eternal punishment, reserved for the ungodly. Why are you waiting? Bring on whatever you want.”

The crowd rushed around to find sticks and wood to build a fire, the Jews eagerly assisting. When the pile was ready, Polycarp removed his outer clothing and approached.

The guards started to secure him to the wood with nails, and he said, “Leave me as I am, for He that gives me strength to endure the fire, will enable me not to struggle, without the help of your nails.”

After being lightly bound, Polycarp began to pray, “…I give you thanks that you count me worthy to be numbered among your martyrs, sharing the cup of Christ and the resurrection to eternal life, both of soul and body…” and the fire was lit.¹*

The early church was well acquainted with suffering. In my current Bible study, we are in the book of Revelation going over the seven letters Jesus was dictating to John for seven different churches, including Polycarp’s wealthy city of Smyrna. Overall, most were going through difficult times as persecution was rampant. I recently finished a book about the Nazis’ use of IBM punch card machines in their highly organized and orchestrated attempt to annihilate the Jews**. The persecution the early Christians were going through definitely smacks of that same type of demoniacal hatred.

In the various letters, Jesus acknowledges the churches’ strengths (if there are any), He brings to light their shortcomings (often explaining what will happen if they aren’t dealt with), He acknowledges their intense persecution and suffering, and finally reminds them of the eternal blessings that He will give to those who are faithful to the end. “Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor’s crown,” Jesus tells John to write to the church in Smyrna.

None of these churches were perfect, just as none of ours are today; but some of the hardships they were having to deal with were absolutely horrendous! Yet Jesus’s words to all who were suffering unimaginable horrors were, “to the one who is victorious to the end… I will give the right to sit with me on my throne; he will be dressed in white; I will give authority over the nations.”

As my Bible study questions had me reading and rereading many of these letters, I started imagining what I would say to someone who was suffering that intensely. It was then that I noticed something rather conspicuous missing from the words of Jesus. I thought that surely He just left it out of one letter, so I reread the others, looking for something I definitely thought should be there. If Jesus cared for these people the way I believe He did, it must be, so I continued to read. He left it out of the second…the third…the fourth. How is that possible?! Its absence is so striking I can’t believe I haven’t noticed it before. It almost makes Jesus seem…dare I say it…unkind!

This led me to a search of the rest of scripture. Nothing. It was completely fruitless, and frankly I did not know how to justify it. But I had to. If Jesus is the kind, loving Savior I believe He is, then what He does not say is somehow justified. Throughout all of Scripture, no matter how much people suffer, Jesus…never…apologizes. I had to make sense of this.

When I have a question of this nature, it runs constantly in the back of my mind. Any information that aids in answering that question, in essence goes in that file. The books I read, the conversations I have, personal experiences and daily observations…all are viable sources of data. Some questions like this may remain unanswered for years until I finally reach a point where I think I have enough information to make a decision that I believe is satisfactory. Well, I had just added a new question, and I’m going to take you along on my journey toward answering it.

If I limit myself to what I experience after a question is posed, it’s a painfully slow drip of day-to-day occurrences. So, I could wait until I’ve lived a couple more years, or I could start by examining my previous decades immediately. That’s the direction I decided to initially focus on, attempting to find times in my life that did not play out how I thought they would, adding in the detail that someone had to actually apologize. After a couple weeks of thinking in this direction, I found one! Fortunately it wasn’t in the distant past, as my memory can often distort, rewrite, and forget details. If I had to guess (and I did), it was about three years ago. Please indulge me as I set the stage.

I had driven down to Fayetteville, Arkansas to visit one of my best friends, Charles, for the weekend. He and I have been very close for 25 years, and initially met at Books-A-Million. Back in 2000 I would go there nightly to sit at the coffee shop and work on my studies, and as I was doing some reading for my college classes I overheard a conversation going on behind me. It was three guys about my age, two I knew from college, and the third I did not. This wasn’t your standard conversation, though. They were debating the existence of God.

Eavesdropping on this conversation definitely took precedence over the evening’s homework, so I set my book down and listened intently. It didn’t take me long to ascertain the dynamics of this debate. You would think that two senior college students at a school whose focus is training people for the ministry would have no difficulty establishing a solid basis for something so fundamental to their beliefs. I would think that too. But in this case, we would both be wrong. This mysterious third party was clearly more intelligent than they were, and he had them stumped. But as he finished solidly pinning them to the ground, I realized there was a weakness in his argument.

There was no way I was going to let this interaction end in my friends’ defeat, so I pushed my chair back, stood up, and walked over with a smile.

“Hey, guys!”

They returned the greeting.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear the discussion ya’ll were having. Do you mind if I throw a question into the mix?”

“Go right ahead, Brian,” my friend from OCC who is also named Brian said.

I don’t remember what I asked, but I do remember the look on the stranger’s face as he slightly cocked his head to the right.

“You know,” he said, “I haven’t ever thought about that. Do you mind if I take some time to think that over?”

“Not at all!” I replied, taken aback by a level of intellectual honesty I had rarely witnessed.

A minute or so later, my friends from school departed and I had my first ever conversation with Mr. Charles E. Smith, now one of the closest friends I have ever had the privilege of knowing. We bonded immediately over our love of books, exchanged phone numbers, and within a few months would become roommates (a pretty wild story I will definitely write one day) where we would have countless discussions along the line of the one I just witnessed.

We were two very different people (yelling and throwing a Bible across the room was not a rarity for Mr. Smith), but we were both on the same path. We were just two guys trying to understand what was true and wanting to live the lives we were meant to. We’re still doing that together, but fortunately a couple of years after our initial encounter, I had the privilege of leading him to the Lord. We still talk quite regularly, and I couldn’t be more thankful to have him as a close friend. Now back to Fayetteville.

Now that you’ve met Charles (I don’t apologize for the aside 😉 ) you can see how we, along with his cousin Marshall, might have stayed up way too late on his patio discussing everything under the sun and enjoying a few brewskies. At some point that evening they informed me that we would be waking up quite early to help Marshall and his dad move a bunch of furniture and such in the morning. “I’d be happy to help…” I said with about as much enthusiasm as you would anticipate.

We woke up way earlier than I was in any condition to and I thanked God for the millionth time that coffee beans were among the countless plants that sprang to life on day three. Perhaps, I thought, He had done so specifically for this day. We began moving boxes and furniture for Marshall’s aunt, loading and unloading two truck beds and a flatbed trailer. Two other details I neglected to mention: 1. It was the middle of summer, so it was nice and hot. 2. We left the house quickly, so we didn’t have time to eat and we were starving! Fortunately, no lives were lost during this most taxing of projects.

We had just finished moving the final pieces of furniture and Marshall went in the house to get us something cold to drink. Charles leans in my direction and starts to speak.

“Hey, B. (He’s called me that for years.) I know you came down here to hang out and have a good time, so I’m sorry you had to endure this. Especially with it being so hot.”

THAT WAS IT!

When I reached this point in my memory I mentally stopped. I would go on to tell him it was okay and I was glad to help, all of which were true. However, there was still truth to his apology. It was hot, I was exhausted, and this is not the relaxing weekend I had hoped for. Charles’ apology was sincere, it was considerate, and it was thoughtful and kind. It’s the kind of thing people say to those they really care about when they experience something unpleasant. And THAT was where I was stuck.

Whether His followers were being imprisoned, beaten, even burned alive or sawed in two, Jesus never once looks these people He loves in the eyes and tells them, “I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” And the whole time, He knows every horrific detail of what they are going to experience.

What was I going to do with this?!

Some of God’s characteristics like omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence, are so far removed from who we are that it’s easy to basically think, “Yeah…God can do anything, like Dr. Strange or another superhero.” Yet with the rest of His characteristics, it’s simpler when we can put Him in a human-sized box. “Jesus was kind to people the world wasn’t. Got it. He did a lot of teaching. My wife is a teacher, so I can definitely relate. He really didn’t like hypocrites. Neither do we! Alright! I think I get this Jesus guy!”

But this behavior doesn’t fit in either category. It’s not so “out there” that we can put it in the “Marvel” category, and yet it’s not consistent with something any person would do, unless they were a jerk. But Jesus isn’t a jerk. Jesus is the very incarnation of love. The box I had put Jesus in was bursting at the seams and I had to completely let Him out of it so I could try and understand how to reconcile the two.

Mentally, I went back to my Arkansas moving story to try and come up with a different scenario. What would have to change about this unpleasant day for it to not just be okay for Charles not to apologize, but for it to actually be a good thing and completely justified? The substance of the story, the heat, the moving of heavy things, the early morning after a crazy late night…all of those still had to be there. But something had to change.

“If the hardships are still there, what if something happened at the end that changed the way the hardships were viewed?” I started thinking. It would have to be significant…very significant. It would have to be so significant, in fact, that the conclusion’s effects actually rippled backwards in time. Right then, it clicked.

I started imaging the exact same scenario with a drastically different conclusion. What if, after waking up exhausted, working in the heat, and moving heavy things, Charles and I had a different interaction. What if, instead of apologizing, Charles called me over as his cousin went inside to grab us a drink, and…

“Hey, B. I have a little something for you,” Charles says as he sits on the back end of the flatbed trailer.

I walk over, wiping the sweat from my forehead with the end of my shirt.

He leans to the right and I see him reach down under the trailer and pull out a small briefcase I hadn’t noticed before.

Remaining silent, he slowly brings the briefcase up and sets it in his lap. He places one hand on the left side and the other on the right, just above the two clasps. Then, just before I hear them click open, he says, “I wanted to tell you…well done, B. I really appreciate all that you did today.”

As the briefcase is opening, I first see what looks like a stack of paper. Then, as the hot, Arkansas afternoon sunlight better reveals the contents, I realize that this is no ordinary paper. It’s money. Stacks and stacks of one hundred dollar bills, with each bundle bound by a one inch in diameter piece of paper that says $10,000. Somehow, I intuitively know that there is exactly one million dollars in cash in that briefcase, and every single dollar is mine.

Charles watches as my eyes grow large in disbelief.

Normally we experience shock due to negative events, so my mind was not quite sure what to do with the emotions I was feeling. Seconds later, its impact began rushing backwards in time.

Gone is any thought about the exhausting day.

The energy that was completely depleted surged back into my body.

My perspective on the last 8 hours was completely rewritten.

“The heat? What heat?!”

“The dresser wasn’t THAT heavy!”

“Are you sure there isn’t more to do?!”

“I would have gladly gotten out of bed hours earlier to help!”

Taking a deep breath, my eyes gradually move from the briefcase of money to look at Charles, and his face is beaming. A look of complete joy is staring back at me. As we lock eyes, a single tear forms and runs down my cheek and one final question comes to mind.

“Is that ALL I had to go through to receive THIS?!”

“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived,
the things God has prepared for those who love Him.”
1 Corinthians 2:9

If this world were as it should be, we would not constantly be thinking about things that are “wrong” with it. We would just see it as “what is”. And in almost every circumstance, in almost every relationship, we have an idea of what we are longing for, and yet it never quite hits the mark. At best we get glimpses of the ideal, and even just a glimpse is like a salve for our souls. It’s like a cool drink of water after spending hours in the hot sun.

This world is all wrong, and intuitively we know that. And as a result, we are constantly yearning for it to be put right, attempting to bring order to disorder, healing to pain, and even life to death. We do not for a second think this yearning is out of place, but rather are shocked when we see someone who is content observing the second law of thermodynamics work its magic without some attempt to interfere and make life better.

I believe that our unquenchable desire for things to be set right is a hint…a sign…that there is, or rather will be something more to come. As C.S. Lewis writes in Mere Christianity:

“Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.“

“And I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from
God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud
voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with
man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God
himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear
from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be
mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have
passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am
making all things new.”
Revelation 21:2-5a

The fact that Jesus never apologizes for the suffering we will all inevitably endure is not an indication of a lack of concern or of a cold-hearted nature. It is rather, I believe, due to the fact that He fully understands something that we do not. Despite the fleeting glimpses of heaven we get in this world, even though there are Bible verses like the ones above that describe it, they do no justice whatsoever to what it will be like to personally experience it.

Dr. Richard Eby had just fallen two stories and landed headfirst on the sidewalk.

“I was dead on impact. Instantly, with a thud, I arrived at a place that was so ecstatically loaded with love, I knew it was Heaven…Suddenly I had a mind that thought with a speed incomputable on earth. The first time I heard the Lord’s voice, He said, “Dick, you’re dead!”…That He called me by my name showed me the intimacy He has with my existence. I asked, “Why did you call me Dick?” (It was a name used only by close friends and family.) He said, “When I died for you on the cross, it was a most intimate thing.”***²

After being dead for ten hours, Dr. Eby was miraculously revived and never forgot how personally he is known and loved by Jesus. Here, on this earth, our hearts constantly yearn for connection with those closest to us. Yet even our best attempts can often leave scars, because the more we love someone, the more power he or she has to wound us. On the other side, however, all of our wounds will be healed and we will finally experience Love in all of its fullness and our aching desire to connect with others will finally be satisfied.

The love in heaven is also physically manifested in its beauty. Captain Dale, a pilot flying a twin engine Piper Navajo with two of his friends, crashed into a seventy-five-foot-high aviation monument and saw first hand what glories await us.

“I knew instantly that this place was entirely and utterly holy. Don’t ask me how I knew, I just knew. I was overwhelmed by its beauty. It was breathtaking. And a strong sense of belonging filled my heart; I never wanted to leave. Somehow I knew I was made for this place and this place was made for me…The entire city was bathed in light, an opaque whiteness in which the light was intense but diffused. In that dazzling light every color imaginable seemed to exist and–what’s the right word?–played. The colors seemed to be alive, dancing in the air. I had never seen so many different colors…It was breathtaking to watch. And I could have spent forever doing just that.”³

If, as in my fantastic scenario, Charles had in fact given me a briefcase full of a million dollars for a partial day’s work, any discomfort I had endured would have been immediately forgotten. And I am fully convinced by the words of Scripture, by the first-hand testimony now of thousands of individuals who have had NDEs (Near Death Experiences) and by the love that Jesus Christ demonstrated for us by subjecting Himself to the brutality of the cross on our behalf, that when we pass from this life to the next, we will immediately experience the truth of this passage.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
2 Corinthians 4:17

The struggles that constantly haunt us, our flaws that bring us shame, the psychological pain that has been inescapable since childhood, will all, at once, be swallowed up into the most exquisite experience possible.

Captain Black continues, “The best unity I have ever felt on earth did not compare with the exhilarating oneness that I experienced with my spiritual family in heaven. This love…God’s love, was transforming. To experience something so sacred, so profound as the boundless love of God was the most thrilling part of heaven.”⁴ (Imagine Heaven, pg. 98)

So if, my friend, your sky is dark and storm clouds loom ahead; if your past is filled with pain and your present with burdens that make it all but impossible to lift your head…take heart. Look forward to a day that WILL come; a day where in a single moment every second of suffering you have endured will be awash in a love so intense that it will burn away all of the dross, removing every wound and painful memory, leaving only the pure gold gained from those brutal times. Leave your despair behind, loved one, and know that this is only temporary, but the glories that await you are eternal and all will be made new the moment you see your Savior, arms spread wide, and hear him say…

“Welcome home.”

1. http://www.christianhistoryinstitute.org ↩︎
2. Burke, John. Imagine Heaven: Near-Death Experiences, God’s Promises, and the Exhilerating Future That Awaits You. Baker Books, 2015. pp.72-73 ↩︎
3. Ibid., 102-103 ↩︎
4. Ibid., 98 ↩︎

*The martyrdom of Polycarp is quite a story and well worth reading. The flames did not kill him, so more drastic measures were needed.

**The book referenced is “IBM and the Holocaust” by Edwin Black. IBM’s assistance of the Nazis was well concealed, so Black recruited a team who worked secretly in many different countries to locate tens of thousands of documents proving the role Watson, IBM, and their many subsidiaries played in determining who the Jews were in country after country, orchestrating their transportation via the railways, and even tracking individuals all the way to their execution via the use of their revolutionary punch card machines.

***”Imagine Heaven” by John Burke is an amazing resource that dives into the world of near-death experiences from a Christian perspective and what they reveal about heaven and the God of the Bible. As medical technology continues to advance, more and more people are coming back to life after being physically dead, and many have experiences that give us valuable insight into what is on the other side. Far from an emotional fluff piece, this book references many published scientific studies about NDEs, including a fascinating study done by the University of Connecticut that only interviewed individuals who were born blind and what they saw while they were “on the other side” if you will.

Note on picture 2: Pictured left to right are Charles, our amazing friend Nathan, (Marshall is not normally the 3rd in our group) and me. I met Nathan through Charles and the three of us have been very close for about 25 years.

Note on picture 3: This is from my most recent trip to Arkansas to visit Nathan, his beautiful family, and Charles. What brought us together was unfortunately the passing of Charles’ mom, but we still had a wonderful time. If you know Charles well at all, you know how greatly he admires his grandparents (pictured), who have been his primary source of wisdom, love, and guidance over the course of his life.